5 months old

5 months ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. This time 5 months ago I remember looking at you from my recovery bed in your daddy's arms. I had to wait until I could feel my arms to hold you but as soon as I did I snuggled you close and kissed your cheek. I remember when you first rolled over, I ran to the "What to expect the first year" book and looked to see what else you would be doing. Now I just think about what you might be doing this day, its Good Friday so Daddy would get to stay home from work so both of us would be with you. Maybe you would starting to talk more, sit up, if I was lucky maybe you would be trying to say mama (but it would probably be dada and I would be ok with that). I will never get to see you do the things you would be doing. I wish someone had written a "What to expect the first year your child dies" but they don't write books like that because its not suppose to happen. Is this what I will do everytime its the 2nd of the month. Another thing I use to look forward to and now I dread. I miss you so much Jackson. I know that you are always with me, always on my mind, in my heart....it will never be the same without you here.