November 2nd 2009 - February 28th 2010

“No day will ever erase you from the memory of time”

Monday, October 17, 2011

Our Rainbow baby

After over a year of trying and 1 pregnancy loss Tim and I are very blessed to say that we are expecting a baby in April or May. This 12 weeks has been the longest that I have ever been through. Every pain or ache has been followed by fear and anxiety. Everytime I picked up something that I think was too heavy I would worry that something might happen. This pregnancy I know will not be an easy one but I know that I have many people around me to lean on when I need it.

We have told our families and close friends but have not announced it publicly on Facebook (so for those of you on my facebook please don't say anything). We have decided to go with a midwife again, but will be meeting with an OB around the week 34 mark to talk about having a VBAC. We have also already talked about meeting with an pediatritian after the baby is born to getting an ultra sound of the babies heart and any other tests to make sure that the baby is ok.

This pregnancy is so bittersweet. I always imagined having Jackson be there too. Watching the baby and trying to figure out what this new little baby is doing. The two of them growing up together and playing and getting dirty together. I'm worried about how I will react when this baby does things that I never got to see Jackson do. I'm worried about my anxiety level everytime that baby has the sniffles or vomits. I know that I will put my foot down more and make sure that my number one priority will be to make sure the baby is happy and that Tim and I are happy. I have lost so much and I don't want to take that chance again.

There are so many decisions to be made but most of them won't be made until we find out if its a boy or a girl. After that comes the emotional stuff and the biggest thing is going through Jackson's room. We will cross that bridge when we come to it. For now I am going to enjoy every second and every detail of this pregnancy and most of all not let the stress and anxiety get the better of me.