November 2nd 2009 - February 28th 2010

“No day will ever erase you from the memory of time”

Sunday, April 4, 2010

The Baby Parade

Yesterday was the first time in a long time that I went out in public. I can honestly say I avoid it. Maybe because I don't want to see people I know and have to relive what happened to Jackson, or fear that I might see someone who doesn't know and have to tell them why he isn't here. Then I realized that the reason I hate going out is because I swear everyone has a baby. I know its not their faults and they can't help it but the constant streaming of people and their babies is like stab in my already broken heart. Usually I can handle people with their babies, I am even able to hold my nephew (sometimes without tears) who was born exactly a week after Jackson died. My sister and I have a special connection and without words I could look at her and she knew what was going on. I wish I could look at other people and they would know too. I love children more then you would ever know, I work with them on a daily basis because I love them so much. I just wish I could parade around my son for all to see. I know that this will be the hardest thing I go through but I often ask why my boyfriend and I were picked for this job.

Yesterday my sister asked me where I got a quote that I had put on my facebook profile. I couldn't remember what one she was talking about and when I maybe have even put it on. Oddly enough it was from I book I have read 3 times called the Anatomy of the Spirit. I put the quote up when I first started my facebook account and part of me maybe finds truth in it and part of me doesn't. I thought I would share it with everyone else and let you decide.

"Let me know what I am able to know and trust that behind all events, no matter how painful there is a reason from which good can come" Anatomy of the spirit

1 comment:

  1. I thought about Jackson today on the drive home. It's different holding my son vs holding Jackson. I miss holding him and would do anything to see him and hold him again. I realize every day that he's gone, but it doesn't make it any easier. I was glad I got to see you this weekend, though, every holiday is going to be this difficult, but no matter what, we are sisters and your pain is my pain. I'm always here for you sister.
    Love you.