Wednesday, April 7, 2010
My car didn't die, my son did
I don't know if people are aware of the grief that parents have that have lost a child. We are not normal ever again. Even the things that trigger us to our breaking point even little petty things will make us flip out on a moments notice. I also don't think some people realize that we won't get over it. My son died....at 4 months, how do I "get over it". What is "it" anyways, the feeling of having your heart torn out, the feeling that something is always going to be missing from you life. No one gets over losing a child, some of us carry it with us silently and cry when we need to and scream when we need to. Even those people who are highly funciton and you wouldn't even believe that they had lost a child...they might just be good actors. I'm not going to get over it, and right now I can say I am a good actress some days but I have been pushed to my breaking point, and those that stand in my way are in for a rude awakening because I am not the same person I was before this and I never will be. I will not get over the death of my son, if I did get over this then I would be erasing the fact that I ever had Jackson and I'm not going to do that. I will however heal, learn to live with a broken heart, I will remember him happy or sad, I will cherise the memories I have of him, I will always talk about him.....but what I won't do is get over losing him.