Thursday, April 15, 2010
A hard day
No one knows how much work it is to paste a smile on your face and pretend for 8 hours a day that everything is ok in your life. Some days are easier then others apparently not this day. I guess its started Sunday, when I again started crying as I do every Sunday. Then it was talking to my mom, who I am worried about (sorry mom but I can't help it), or was it the staff meeting I attended where we were talking about picture day and my brain wondered off for 3 minutes and my thoughts of Jackson returned. Then I just brokedown. I was thinking before he died I wanted to get his pictures done again soon with the same photographer I used for my pregnancy, and his first month pictures. I would have changed him a million times into the outfits I had for him. I probably would have had some great photos. At that moment I decided that I was not going to work picture day. That was 8 hours that I wasn't going to pretend that pain I hold inside isn't there and that my life isn't ok. Luckily my boss understands, but unfortunately shortly after that is my birthday and then Mother's day. I guess life goes on even though I still live February 28th, everyday in my mind.