November 2nd 2009 - February 28th 2010

“No day will ever erase you from the memory of time”

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Thoughts of you

Since becoming pregnant all I have thought about is Jackson. Sometimes I will be falling asleep at night and he is there. I wish I could say it was those days where he made me laugh or a fun memory that I shared with him but they are often of February 28th. The ones that reaccure more often are those of me telling my sister that he died, or the moment me stopped breathing, the moment when my parents came into room to see he was no longer with us. It makes me sad to think that those are the memories that I haven't been able to get rid of and all the happy ones gone.

We still have videos and pictures but we will eventually get to February 28th again and I will realize its been two years since he has been gone. My fear is that when this new little one comes it will be harder to remember him. That people will stop saying his name. I want to remember everything like the moment I held him for the first time, the first time he rolled over, the first time he smiled for me. I miss him so much some days that I still find myself crying in the car. I know this doesn't or will never get any easier. I just wish I could have one more day to hold him and tell him I love him.