November 2nd 2009 - February 28th 2010

“No day will ever erase you from the memory of time”

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Marleigh Fiona is here

After tossing and turning over the decision over whether to have a vbac or go with a c-section, my husband and I thought it best to just get the c-section. I was worried about losing my ability to have more children and after the doctor had told me that she herself had performed 5 sections on one women I felt a little better about having another c-section. They scheduled it for Wednesday, April 25th, let me tell you it was the longest week of my life. April 25th, Tim and I arrived at the hospital for 4:30 am. We were the only ones in triage waiting to go in for my surgery. The nurses told us it was a slow night so they were glad to have someone come in. They hooked up my IV and asked me all the pre surgery questions. Tim and I tried to enjoy the last 2 hours of me being pregnant and trying to keep the mood light since again I was going for surgery. Around 6 my midwives came in and waited with us until they got everyone ready to go into the OR. The OB came in and talked to me about the surgery and assured me everything was going to be ok. 6:30 am they walked me down to the OR. I was feeling pretty nervous. When I went in for my emergency c-section with Jackson I had been in labour for 10 hours, and had already received a couple of doses of different pain killers and was a little out of it so I didn't have time to let my mind wander and think about having the surgery. Everyone in the OR was great, they really focused on trying to get me to take deep breaths and relax and reminded me that in a few minutes we would meet our baby girl. I could hear everything that was going on. The first thing the doctor said was "holy look at all that hair", then "wow she is a big girl". When I heard her little cry it was the most amazing sound ever. I couldn't wait to see her and hold her. Everyone was trying to guess what she weighed. I told my midwife I thought she was high 8's and Tim said he thought she was 9lbs 10 ounces. He was right on! So at 7:21, April 25th Marleigh Fiona Gagne arrived. I am glad I went with the c-sectin because if I had to wait to go into spontaneous labour she probably would have been close to 11 pounds and might have ended up with another c-section anyways. She is 5 days old and she is such a good baby. Needless to say she is 5 days old and my worry meter is 10. I think is she eating enough, is she sleeping too much, is her colouring ok. She is spitting up should I be worried. Yesterday she actually spit up a little blood with her milk. I almost threw her in the car and sped to the hospital. My midwife calmed me down and after looking at my nipples I realized there was some damage and the blood was from me. Tim has been amazing and is trying to always get me to take a deep breath. Here is a picture of her. She looks so much like her big brother only with a lot more hair.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Vbac or not to Vbac

This entire pregnancy all I have thought about is my Vbac. I would finally get to have this baby vaginally and not via c-section. I was disappointed that I had to have a c-section the first time but because I never got past 2.5 cm I really didn't have a choice. Today I finally met with an OGBYN who is pro VBAC and has had a very good success rate with other women who have also had VBAC's. Unfortunately I did not get the news I was hoping for.

After reveiwing my file she told me that I was not a good canidate for a VBAC. Some of the reasons being that the doctor that performed my first c-section didn't sew me up in layers (which I didn't know there was a difference)which put me at a higher risk of uterine rupture. She is worried because I had a big baby the first time and that I had a failure to progress with the first induction. The last factor was that my son died 4 months after the first c-section. Crushed is not the word I would describe when I left that appointment. She said I could choose to still have the VBAC but I would have to sign a consent form that would not make her liable if something were to go wrong. I still need to talk it over with Tim, and figure out what I want to do. I have done some internet research since getting home and the risk is 1 in 200 that I could have a uterine rupture. Looking at those statistics are not very comforting, especially since I just found out that what Jackson died of was a 1 in 300,000 chance. I feel like statistics are not in my favour right now.

We want to have more children and the doctor told me that she has done 5 c-sections on one women. I just want my baby to be safe but I don't want to feel like I am being scared into a decision. Which is easy when you start talking about things going wrong and possible losing my baby, my uterus or even me. My heart is sad, but I just want to do what is right and what is safe for me and the baby. I guess I have the decision already, I just don't want to say it out loud.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Answers to 2 year old questions

Anomalous left coronary artery from the pulmunary artery or ALCAPA for short. This is what Jackson died of. This is what we have been waiting two years to find out. After meeting with a pediatrician Thursday of last week and signing yet another release form she called today to tell us what she found out. After googling for an hour, reading what I could about it then reading the many posts from mothers whose child was diagnosed early enough and they were able to correct it. I had to shut the computer. I didn't want to read anymore about how now their child is 6 and healthy, my son wasn't one of them.

This is what I found out, 1 in 300,000 babies are born with this. 90% will die within the first year if it is not corrected. This means it is not passed down a family line but that still does not make it any less easier to not worry about my current pregnancy. I still have mixed feelings about this new information. In the back of my mind I have always thought it was something that was always there but never detected, but now I will always wonder if I just got him in sooner, pushed for them to do more would I be the one telling everyone that my son is 6 and healthy.

This baby is still going to get an echocardiogram when she is a month old and I will be on pins and needles until I know FOR SURE that she is ok. I only wish that there was more information about it out there. Why does it take one child to die for the rest to be screened. Why did my son have to be the 1 in 300,000.