Jelousy

I don't know but lately I have been feeling....well lost. I have even decided to go to a counseller. After talking to her she made me feel a little bit better. Saying that I am actually doing pretty good for a women who is going through as much as I am right now. We talked about my frusturation and saddness over not getting pregnant as quickly as I did the last time. She told me exactly what I could have told myself and that my mind and body are at the same level and that once they are I will probably get pregnant. I just have to be patient. Which is not something in my vocabulary as I have stated before.

It is hard though cause I remember that this time last year I was just about to start my maternity leave. I was big and I couldn't chase after the kids at the daycare anymore. I couldn't sit on the floor and play, I was worried I would break one of the little chairs and the heartburn and peeing all the time was getting pretty frequent. Now I go on to facebook (which is the worst invention ever but it does keep us all connected) everyone is pregnant, newly, almost done and just had their babies. Then jelousy rears its wicked head and I can't help it. I don't want to toot my own horn but I was a good pregnant woman. My mom and I spent way to much money on maternity clothes (how I miss elastic waist pants). I was all belly and nothing else, I was lucky and got to wear sandals for most of my late pregnancy so I never had to bend over and do up my shoes. My favourite part was having a built in table to set my food or drinks on. I loved being pregnant (the only reason I didn't at the end was because I just wanted to see Jackson...see patience not my strong point). I even got belly pictures done, which was amazing. Who wouldn't want to remember a time when you helped create a life, watched your belly grow and then at the end you get the most amazing present in the whole entire world. A little baby that you get to watch grow and amaze you ever step of the way.

Then there is me. I only got 4 months.