When is it my time...

After Jackson died I went back to work 22 days after it happened. I wish I could say I was ready but I can honestly say I was fooling myself into thinking that. I didn't have a choice at the time because Tim was laid off from his employer because there was no work. So the only choice I had was to go back or lose our house which I was clearly not ready to leave. Then Tim got a job and I was thinking about taking a leave of absence. Then my dog had to have a 450 dollar operation and then the other one had 250 dollar operation. So I thought well maybe I can just take a week off, but as I sit here my boyfriend has been off all week also because there is no work. I am anticipating that it could be for awhile. So again I get put on the back burner. I just want some time. Some time to not pretend that life is going good, to not pretend that everyday is a struggle. I feel like everytime I need to take a me vacation something always stands in my way, its so unfair and I don't know if anyone realizes how much I need the time. Why can't there be a way to do it without feeling guilty, without worry about bills. I wish that it was possible but right now its looking pretty impossible. So next week I will be painting the smile back on my face and going to work because that is all I can do.