Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Were you really real?
I remember when I looked at the pink plus sign, with my hand shaking....was it really real. I had to take 3 more just to make sure. I remember when the contractions started and I thought are these really real. When your daddy put you in my arms I thought were you really ours to keep. Then I watched you grow and roll, cry, and smile. I had a camera in your face everyday. I'm not sorry that I did. Now I look at those pictures and I think. Were you really real? 7 long months ago you were alive, but not so well. I have a picture of you the day before you died, I look at it and think there is no way that little boy was sick. I can't remember the way you smell, unless I go in your room. I am scared I will forget your face or how you skin felt. What I would give to hold you just one more time. The only thing I no for sure is real is the saddness and pain I feel everyday. I hate this feeling. I want it to go away. You are never forgotten Jackson. When I hear your name it makes me sad, but happy that people say it. You have touched so many lives and has brought many new people in to mommy's life that are going to help her get through this. People who are just like me. People who had to say goodbye to their babies too soon. I miss you everyday...I love you.