Too Soon

Finally....I went to the doctor to see about getting a referal to an OB. I want to make sure that all my bases are covered before I do decide to get pregnant again. I had to have a C-section with Jackson because he didn't want to come out....maybe he had a reason. Anyways unfortunately I had to go to the my doctor to get it and I haven't seen Dr.V since I took Jackson in (2 days before he died). Needless to say I knew that it was going to be a crappy day. The nurse asked us what we were coming for as they always do and then she asked us how we were doing. So I gave her the text book we have good days and bad. Then asked if we were getting counselling, which we are but not formal counselling because I don't want some person to give me text book answers on how I should be feeling. That is why my boyfriend and I go to groups with women and men how have lost children and honestly it does help. Finally the doctor came in and of course we started talking about Jackson. I held it together as best I could in the office (even though I wanted to say why didn't you fix him, I took him to you 2 times in a week). I know its not his fault I just have a hard time going to him. Then we started talking about getting pregnant (which is on my mind off and on but right now is not the right time for us). He told us it was too soon, but he never said anything about when it was not too soon. I guess we will have to wait for the OB to answer that question. So now I am at home a big weeping mess. Thank god my boss and coworkers are so understanding and allowed me the rest of day off. Not like I would be any good to anyone anyways, the kids at the daycare would probably have to pat my back and tell me everything was going to be ok.