November 2nd 2009 - February 28th 2010

“No day will ever erase you from the memory of time”

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Optimistic or just fooling myself

I can honestly say that I have been through a dark period recently. I was a point where I felt like the world didn't understand or even care what I was going through. Work sucked because it was the time I was suppose to go back to work with Jackson. One of the supervisors flipped out because we didn't have a picture of her daughter for her scrapbook. Guess which employee had to bite her tongue. I almost had a "Thank You Card" moment. Then I thought I had lost my 4 day work week which sort of put the nail in the coffin for me. Then I took a week off, I missed work, I missed my co-workers, I missed the kids and they missed me.

Then there is the pregnancy thing. Still workin on it. Friday my period started again. I said a few swear words and cursed the universe for doing this to me. I always use to say that women who said "were taking a break from trying" were just fooling themselves. No one really gives up trying. I know my cycle more then I ever cared to learn. Then Friday happened and I thought now I know why women give up trying. The stress, worry, the anticipation only to have it go to shit. I know now why women give up and they don't fool themselves they do actually give up.

In all this darkness, I had a moment. Last night I was walking with Tim (were walking now so we get out of the house and enjoy the fall air). I thought maybe the universe is doing this just till I get over Jackson's birthday. Maybe I need to get over that hurdle and then good things will come. I really truly thought that good things are coming, but I have to be patient (which is something I am so good at). I hope that I am not fooling myself and that good, great and wonderful things are going to come or maybe after all this I can be optimistic again.


  1. Linds, when you and I had our long talk in the breeze way I told you that by 2011 good things would be happening. I truly believe that!! As you know there has seemed to be this dark cloud, for lack of a better word, that has been hovering. It has seemed like one thing after the next just isn't going right. I hope for you and Tim that there is a turn around. Maybe it is the universe playing a roll in it trying to help you to get passed the difficult days ahead of us. Maybe Jackson is trying to steer you in a new direction, who knows. What I do know is you and Tim and all of us need to have some good happen!!!! Here's hoping. Love you!!

  2. It is hard to keep waiting for that positive in your life to show. I am hoping that good things come your way soon Lindsay.