November 2nd 2009 - February 28th 2010

“No day will ever erase you from the memory of time”

Thursday, October 21, 2010

What I would give

October 21st 2009.

Jackson's due date. I remember it because of the anticipation, waiting for our little boy to arrive. Tim stayed home from work that day. Wishful thinking I guess. While I slept in Tim went online and looked up natural ways to induce labour. When I woke up Tim gave me a massage on the pressure points that would induce labour. They didn't work, or any of the other tricks that came up. I had a midwife appointment that day where she also tried to induce labour herself. We also went over the options that I could do if it came down to going to the hospital to be induced. I told her that I wasn't going anymore then a week over. I couldn't wait any longer to meet Jackson. I remember being so excited, scared and happy.I would give anything to go back to that time. To feel him stretching into my rib cage. To have heartburn so bad that even the mildest of foods would bring it on. I would love to get up and pee 4 times in the night, wake up at 3:30am because my side was numb and I couldn't sleep. What I would give to drink castor oil thinking maybe that would help bring on labour. I would do anything to be pregnant, happy and thankful again. Instead, I am not pregnant, happy or thankful. I should be planning a birthday party not a rememberance. I should be buying up Toys R Us not crying everytime I hear happy birthday. In two weeks I have to relive the happiest day of my life without the one person who made it the happiest day of my life.

1 comment:

  1. My heart breaks every time I read your blog. Today I thought about you and how this was your original due date. I know it's going to be a hard day coming up and I will be sharing my tears with you all day on the 2nd.