Jackson
November 2nd 2009 - February 28th 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
I lied....and I feel guilty
When most people ask if you have children I usually reply yes, but he is no longer with us anymore. Today I went to get a pedicure and the lady asked me oh do you have children. I replied no. I have never replied no. I wanted to jump off the table and run and cry. I felt so guilty for saying no. I felt like the worst mother in the entire world...but I just didn't feel like explaining my life story to someone I didn't even know. Am I a horrible mother? Should I feel guilty? Has anyone else done this just save yourself from reliving the fact that your son died? This isn't fair I should be able to say yes, and he is 7 months old and the love of my life but I can't and now I am just left feeling guilty. I'm so sorry Jackson.
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Don't feel guilty Lindsay, I understand exactly why you did it. You don't want to have to relive the pain of losing him by explaining what happened to him. It's hard to explain to people that your baby is now an angel. Next time, if you want to just respond "yes I have a child, but he watches over me now". It's not an easy thing to respond to, because you know what kind of emotions it will stir up and it is already hard enough to go out in public without getting choked up.
ReplyDeleteDon't feel guilty Lindsay, I know how much you love Jackson more and more each day, and I know you miss him more than anything, he will understand why you said it.
Lindsay, you have no reason to feel guilty. I agree with Lisa on this. If you didn't want to talk about it with someone you don't know, then you shouldn't have to. Those of us who do know also experience the pain and understand. You don't have a child in your arms but you will always have Jackson in your heart. Quit beating yourself up. Nobody should have to experience the death of a child and yet here we are. You hear about it but never expect to happen to you. I love you and wish I could help you more. Love you. Mom xoxo
ReplyDeleteDont feel guilty, as you said sometimes you just don't want to explain your life story to a stranger. Jackson knows you are his mom and loves you too, he would understand why.
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