Tuesday, June 22, 2010
The Dark Place
The Dark Place. I have heard it spoken many times before. I try to stay away from it because I am afraid if I go back in it might be hard to come out. Knock on wood but I haven't had to take anything after Jackson died like anti-depressants, although the doctor perscribed me something to help me sleep for the first couple of weeks. Sometimes I would like to go get some more to hopefully drown out the snoring from the cat, dog and boyfriend. I have tried to remain relatively positive through this process, by writing, reading and talking to other people, but I do have a dark place. When I feel myself slipping into it I yank myself back out of it. People always say to me "your so amazing", "or I don't know how you do it". Me either. If I did I would be writing these steps down, selling the book and be a millionaire. Maybe I am a good actress and I should find an agent because I am fooling many of you and myself. I should tell people I still have a dark place where I go and woe is me, others don't deserve their children, etc, etc. That is what my facilitator describes as coping. For now I stay away from the dark place because if I get to deep I might not be able to crawl out for awhile. So for now I see it and I know its there but I keep it locked up until I am strong enough to deal with it.