November 2nd 2009 - February 28th 2010

“No day will ever erase you from the memory of time”

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Tomorrow will be a month

Today is March, 27th 2010, and as I look at the calendar it will be a month since my son has died. Before Jackson died Sunday use to be family fun day. The day were my boyfriend and I would push aside everything that we needed to do and just be together and relax as a family. Now when Sunday comes I want to put my head under the covers and hope that day ends quickly and that Monday morning comes. I miss him so much it hurts somedays. I feel a pain in chest that doesn't go away, it really does feel like my heart is breaking everytime I realize that he isn't here and he won't be coming back. I want to hit rewind on my life and go back to that day and hope that something will change and that he didn't stop breathing in my arms. God I just think about that moment, every Sunday. I remember the day we brought him home and I was so nervous and scared, but so excited to have my beautiful baby boy home. I didn't get enough time with him and should be looking at the calendar and getting ready to celebrate his 5th month of life. Unfornately what I have discovered in this past 4 weeks is that life isn't what you always think its going to be or what its suppose to be.

1 comment:

  1. My heart breaks for you when I read about your pain. It's not fair that some parents out-live their children. It makes me so mad that I don't understand why this happens. I would give anything to have my babies back...and I know you feel the same about Jackson. I have to be honest with you, you will cry even after 2 years without him...I know, I'm there. It does get a little easier and you will find joy in your life again, but there will be days where for absolutely no apparent reason you will cry. You know that his birthday and the day he left you will be hard, it's the days where you're just driving along and burst into tears that you'll be caught off guard. This will be the hardest thing in life for you to endure. Give yourself permission to both cry and laugh.