November 2nd 2009 - February 28th 2010

“No day will ever erase you from the memory of time”

Monday, February 28, 2011

February 28th, the day you left us and my heart was broken

February 28th. I can remember it like it was yesterday. We got into Kingston the night before. By the time you were admited and hooked up to a feeding tube and had some tests done it was midnight. They luckily let daddy stay because it was so late. Tim and I took turns on the cot but neither one of us slept because of worry. Early the next morning the doctors came to see you again. The morning was hopeful they said you had RSV and had gotten brocillitis because of it. They said we were going to have to stay for a week. Grandma Sue said she was going to come up later that week to keep me company and to visit you. If I had known that something was wrong I would have told her to come that moment.

Grandma and Grandpa G and Aunt T came up to visit you for the day. As the day wore on Daddy and I didn't leave your side. Even when we went to eat lunch we shovelled the food in so fast just so we could get back. Things started to change drastically. Your colouring changed and you were getting a fever. They wanted to admit you to the pediatric ICU. Grandma G called Grandma Sue because I wanted her there. I knew something was wrong. I was holding you when Grandma G said he doesn't look like he's breathing. The nurse took you from me. I screamed for you to breath to wake up. They told me I had to go. I wanted to stay. We went to the waiting room. We cried and prayed they would get you breathing. The minutes felt like hours. Finally the doctor came and told us you were breathing but it didn't look good. They gave you two different kinds of drugs for your heart but they didn't work. Me and Daddy finally got to see you. You kept looking at us with your big blue eyes. Your heart rate improved and I thought you were going to pull through. They thought you were stable enought to go to ICU but on the way you stopped breathing again. By the time we saw you in ICU the doctor told us that there really was no hope. I wanted to hit him and tell him to F off.

Finally they placed you in my arms. I rocked you as your heart stopped breathing. Daddy held you when you came into the world and I held you when you left it. They let us all hold you. When Grandma Sue, Grandpa Charlie, Aunt Lisa and Uncle A showed up they held you too. I had never seen my dad breakdown like that. I told Aunt Lisa that you had died. I was so worried she was going to go into labour. Finally we took your footrints and handprints and a piece of your red hair. We said goodbye.

You are loved and missed by so many people. You touched the lives of so many people. Jackson you are and always will be the best part of our world. We miss you so much and always will. You took a piece of our hearts when you left this day. I hope you get our messages we send to you. Love you my son.


  1. Lindsay today like so many before and after will bring many tears and memories - Know that in addition to all who loved Jackson (all of us) we are all here for you and Tim if only in our hearts and prayers and thoughts _ Jackson was one lucky little boy who had amazing parents and who village of family who loved him so very much - even without knowing him - maybe his memories live on forever as I know they will - he is your guardian angel forever looking over all those who loved him - and there are family members in heaven loving him and taking care of him too xoxoo

  2. Jackson will always be our beautiful angel who left us much too soon. I will always wonder about the things he would have accomplished as he was loved so much by so many. I love you and miss you so much Jackson. I didn't know pain of this magnitude existed but it does when a beautiful little baby has to leave this world and takes a big piece of your heart with him. I wish....missing you always and forever Gramma Sue

  3. I sent him 3 balloons today, a red one (for his hair), a blue one (for his eyes), and a green one (because it's Auntie Lisas favourite colour, and i wanted him to have it).
    I sent him a message that said "Out of all the loved ones that I have lost, you hurt the most"