November 2nd 2009 - February 28th 2010

“No day will ever erase you from the memory of time”

Saturday, January 1, 2011

2010 you can suck it!

For me last night when the clock struck 12 I wasn't sad to see another year pass. I was excited to see what the future brought. I feel like it can't be any worse then last year.

2010 I started off thinking it was going to be a great year. I had a son, who was wonderful and special. A boyfriend who was a great father and provider for both of us. A sister who was about to have a son too, only 4 months younger then Jackson. The Olympics I was so looking forward to sharing with Jackson.(I know he was only 4 months but it was something special I wanted to share with him). Tim and I were also trying to plan when we would start trying again. I always wanted my children to be close in age like my sister and I. 17 months isn't that close ha ha.

2010 did not go as planned. February 28th I lost my son and still don't know what caused him to die. 2011 I want to find out what took my son and learn from it to become a better and more informed parent. A week after Jackson died, my nephew was born. Only 7 days between a life taken and a life given. I watch him and wonder what may have been. I am not going to lie I pushed myself to hold him and love him. Which I can say is not hard because he is such a wonderful little boy himself. My sister even greater because always understanding of how far I could go.

2010 also made and honest woman out of me, with a proposal from Tim. He made it very memorable and magical. I think that is where my new love for the outdoors has come from. This year has taught me a lot about love and friendship. People who I thought would be there for me that weren't and those who came from my past that lended me their hand. Family members I have grown closer with and have shown me true support.

2011 I know will be a better year. Filled with joy and hope. A new job that which is only a maternity leave but once I impress them with my childcare skills they will only have to keep me and find a permenant job. I will be a stronger and better person for getting through this year and I know I have one more anniversery to get through but I have all the love and support to get through it. So to 2010 I want to tell you it has been nice knowing you but 2011 will be a better year then you.

To all those who have helped us through this year, especially the BLM's that I have met through my blog. Thank you for holding us up when we needed it, for providing a box of tissues when the tears didn't seem to stop flowing. For your kind words, and hugs. You have been a our silent cheering section when we needed you the most. To all those family have been through operations and sickness, we are here for you and love you. 2011 will be a better year for all. For those mom's who find this blog because you have lost your child, hold on, it will be hard, you will never forget, people will say some crazy things but I am here for you even if you don't know me yet. My hand is open whenever you need someone to hold it. Love and take care of eachother. Jackson's mommy.


  1. I love that you can be such a positive person, even under the circumstances. I look up to you now, so much more, not just because you are my big sister, but because you have done so much and stayed so strong even after everything went horrible. I try not to complain as much because frankly, I look at life a lot differently now, and I remind myself everything that there is not an obstacle that can't be overcome.
    Here is to wishing you a happy 2011, and the hope that it brings you the baby (or babies) that I have been wishing and praying for, for you.

  2. Hoping 2011 brings you joy and happiness!