Monday, August 2, 2010
5 months since you have been gone
Normally you count how old your children get. When they are born you count by weeks, then by months and then eventually years. No one ever counts the days, months or years its been since your child's death. Maybe its because we are never suppose to. I haven't thought about how long it has been since Jackson died, until today. August 2nd we should have been celebrating his 9 months, instead it made me realize that it has been 5 months since February 28th. I can't believe that 5 months has gone by since that day, I guess time flys when your living in a daze. I can honestly say I don't know what has happened in these last 5 months. I look forward to my weekends where my boyfriend tries and gets me to do something other then sit inside. Lately it seems everyone is out with their babies, which makes it harder. Me always wondering if that is what Jackson would be doing. Would his hair have changed colour or still be red? Would his mohawk still be in tact? Even last night when we went out for dinner 4 huge families sat around us. One with a baby and another with 3 boys. I jelously watched wishing that Jackson was sitting in a high chair with us, making us laugh. Instead we try not to make eye contact with other people trying to hide how sad we are that were eating alone. Eventually I hope that I will be able to work through this but in the mean time we should wait until the cold weather keeps everyone else inside.