"I can never imagine what you are going through", "I lost my (fill in the blank) I know how you feel", "Your not over that yet?". I have you heard those lines before. Chances are you probably have, some of them maybe even made you so mad that you wanted to punch them in the face. I have lost 3 grandparents, a friend and my son. The first two will never compare to losing my son. We as grieving parents know what it is like, to hope and wish for one more day with our child, for some of us even just to spend one day with our child. Grieving parents get it. Then there is a whole other group of people who don't get it or maybe they don't have the compassion to try and get it.
I was that person...before I lost Jackson. I feel guilty now for feeling the way I did, because I didn't get it. I felt awful for the parents that lost a child but couldn't understand why they felt the way they did for so long. I never said anything because I knew better to shut up and just listen but always wondered. Losing Jackson has changed me forever. Death has changed for me, when someone tells me that they have a friend who passed away my first thought is "their poor parents". You can't ever explain to others what it is like. The pain you feel everyday and the struggle to even get dressed in the morning. Having more children doesn't fill the void you feel just sometimes makes it more noticable. Wishing for your other child to come back and be a big brother or sister. Family pictures always incomplete your family always incomplete.
I would never wish this on anyone. I just wish people would realize that grief is different for everyone and different in every situation. Death is inevitable but it is not suppose to be the children that go first. More people need think before you speak. I would never say to anyone are you over it. Even before this. I hope I never hear it myself, because I really don't know how I would handle it. Hopefully I will be prepared with some words of wisdom for that person, even if it means ruining a friendship.
I agree...I don't think that people really get it unless they have dealt with this type of loss. I use to say in the "beginning" after my son died that my mom, my dad, my sister, a brother...anyone else could die and I would have a hard time getting through it but just NOT my baby :( I still wish it wasn't true...that he was still here.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for the loss of your son. He is so beautiful!
ReplyDeleteMy son died this past August. The comments are so difficult, what's worse is when people seem to just forget the pain you're in. It doesn't go away. I make deals in my constantly, hoping God will listen. "I'll trade you ___, ___ and ___ if you'll just give me my son back." And I would, I would trade them all. There is no pain like losing a child.
Anyway, I'm rambling. But I just wanted to respond and tell you that someone is listening out here in the blogosphere.