November 2nd 2009 - February 28th 2010

“No day will ever erase you from the memory of time”

Friday, April 22, 2011

Who would you be

I remember when Jackson was born I always thought about when he got older. Would he be tall or short for his age. Would he still have his read hair? Soon it will come up to the time when you would be turning 18 months old. The moment when you are officially a toddler. I think about what you would be like at 18 months old. This is what I imagine you would be....

I see you in overalls in the back yard with your red hair. I see you following around your daddy in your rubber boot staring at the lake that produces in the backyard everytime it rains. I see you and the dogs standing ankle deep in the mud and smiling when I tell you to get out. I see toys thrown around the house, (and me following you around trying to teach you to put them away so the dogs don't eat them). I see you staring out the window and pointing at the cars as they go by, and yelling "big truck" when the trucks drop off milk and bread at the store. I see you playing dress up with your girl cousins and fighting with your boy ones. The one thing I am missing out the most is cuddling you when your sick because that is the only time it will happen now. I am missing out on the kisses and hugs. I am missing out on watching you grow up. It breaks my heart because I wanted so badly to watch that happen and now I don't.

I know I am not the only one that is missing out. Sometimes I forget that your daddy is missing out too. If it doesn't break my heart on what I am missing out on, it hurts even more seeing what he is also missing out on. Trips to Canadian Tire, watching the Canadians get to the finals and you and daddy razzing mommy because her Leafs never do. Going out for breakfast so mommy can sleep in on the weekends. I would do anything to take that pain away.

The one thing I might miss the most is your laugh, I never got to hear it before you left us. That is one thing I wish I could have heard. I love you son.

1 comment:

  1. I know he is looking down on you while you are struggling to get through these days...I also wonder all the time what my baby would look like now or be like "when", hugs!