November 2nd 2009 - February 28th 2010

“No day will ever erase you from the memory of time”

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

A baby at a baby memorial

Please be advised this is my opinion and only my opinion. You don't have to agree with me. You don't even have to like what I say. I know that everyone is different and processes things differently but I need to get out my " YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME" moment out and off my chest.

As I wrote before. I had a friend who recently lost her son. Tonight was his memorial. I just wanted to go wrap my arms around my friend and tell her how sorry I was for her loss. Having someone close to you who loses their child opens that wound again. I have thought so many times about Jackson the last couple of days. Looking at pictures of him, thinking about the last few hours he was alive at the hospital, remembering his smell. I miss him so much somedays and I don't even realize it. I guess I have learned to find a place to let the grief live in my life. When that wound is open again it takes over like it did before I found that place for it.

Tonight I think that the protector in me wanted to take over. Again my friend may be stronger and maybe more understanding then I was. After Jackson died, I didn't want to be around babies. Especially those that were the same age as him or even within their first year of life. When my sister had my nephew it took everything I had to go and hold him. I remember crying while I was holding him. I chose to do that, my sister never forced me to do that. Tonight someone thought it was a bright idea to bring their baby (actually two people thought it would be smart to bring babies) to a memorial for a baby. First of all, um who brings a baby to a memorial in the first place, second who brings a baby to a memorial for a baby.

Yes, I know what it means to support your friends in a time of need, but there are these new things called babysitters. I know that some people don't feel comfortable leaving their baby with a totally stranger, and sometimes grandma and grandpa have their own shit to do. So rotate with with someone else. The first person goes in and then hand off the baby, then the other person goes. Why rub salt in a wound that was just opened. I mean THINK! Oh I am so sorry that your baby died, but hey looking at my perfectly healthy baby. I bet if you google baby memorial etiquette, the first
thing will be, DON'T BRING A BABY!

Like I said before. Its my opinion and only mine. Everyone processes their grief differently. I do dumb things all the time. I just don't know if that would be one of them.

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